The New Normal - Acceptance and Gratitude!
This post was originally published on Corrina’s Caringbridge site:
https://www.caringbridge.org/visit/corrina
This is the post I have dreamed about writing. It is my ecstatic joy and honor to report that Corrina's tumor is shrinking!!!
Miracles do happen.
Corrina's last MRI noted a reduction of her tumor by more than 30%! All signs of infection and the midline bulge caused by the hemorrhage are now non-existent.
We are far from out of the woods, but Corrina has been thriving over the past few months and is only gaining momentum. Did you expect anything less from this force of nature?
As of this writing, Corrina hasn't been hospitalized for almost 6 months (I honestly can't remember the last date). During the first 8-9 months of this journey, we were in and out of the hospital on a recurring basis, riding what seemed like a nonstop rollercoaster following the initial diagnosis - biopsy, infection, craniotomy, hemorrhage, infection recurrence, seizure, the list goes on and on. Arrrgggghh (makes me want to scream)...ENOUGH!
While we were in that batter's box, responding to the curveballs life was throwing at us, I mistakingly assumed that state was going to be our new normal (how can you not?!). But it wasn't. Chaos never persists. It represents transition. The storm isn't the ocean's real identity; it is an event, a moment in time. All that pain was simply our road into the new normal.
And here we are. Able to breathe deeply and calmly. And, most importantly, we are happy. We are growing. We are not dwindling.
Corrina's newfound strength may be attributed to a variety of concurrent influences/events, including -
She completed the recommended six rounds of chemotherapy. Some North American oncologists recommend twelve rounds, but the cost-benefit analysis doesn't really make sense (to us at least). 12 rounds vs. 6 has been shown only to provide an additional 2 month longevity - but at what cost? The quality of life while undergoing chemotherapy is brutal. The drug is incredibly aggressive by nature. European oncology holds fast at 6 rounds for this reason, which absolutely makes sense to us. When faced with an illness on this scale, we feel it's important to make decisions taking into account quality vs. quantity of life.
The residual blood leftover from the hemorrhage would have, now at this point, fully dissipated back into the body. Apparently, re-absorption following such an event takes a long time (months) and Corrina has now graduated from that timeframe and the MRI is showing this to be the case.
About 3 months ago (right around the time of her last MRI), Corrina started taking a sea-cucumber derivative known as 'Sea Care' / TBL-12. Sea Care is not approved by the FDA (it actually maintains 'orphan' status) and to many western health professionals it leads to skeptical eye-rolling or 'placebo' association, if supported at all. For this reason, we wanted to wait until the results of the subsequent MRI to let her neuro-oncology team know about it.
That being said, Sea Care has been shown to provide massive boost to the immune system in cancer patients. There are case studies involving Sea Care whereby someone given 3-months left to live begins taking it aggressively and, 50 years later, dies of old age...When faced with a terminal diagnosis, why not try ANYTHING and EVERYTHING believed to provide benefit?! So that's what we did.
I don't know if it's just because of Sea Care (stopping chemo and the hemorrhage absorption are huge events in and of themselves), but the timing of Corrina's improvement being consistent with the start of Sea Care can't be ignored - and the most recent MRI is proof of it. Whatever is ultimately the cause, we're going to keep doing what we're doing.
One last medical note worth mentioning - As you may know, the percentage of long-term survivors of glioblastoma is very small. That being said, of those who do survive in this category, an overwhelming majority of them have, at one point or another, battled a major infection, just like Corrina did. It's as if the body brings every reserve it can muster and all its power to fight the infection and, in so doing, also attacks the tumor.
While we were in the middle of the storm, all we did was question what we did to deserve being subject to its waves. It seemed so unfair that Corrina was one of the few to get an infection during what should be a routine biopsy. It was all unfair - this angel doesn't deserve ANY of this. That's how we responded to everything.
But we were responding as victims. This was happening TO us. We lost control. We struggled to get it back.
At some point, we just let go... and changed perception.
We're not victims anymore. This is our lives. This is simply and magnificently the depth of experience we have become ready for in our souls' journey of knowing itself. And with this acceptance, comes a deep, deep love of self (or maybe it's the reverse? I'm not sure...)
All I know is that Corrina is thriving. As she reinvents herself in this new normal, you can feel the acceptance and radiant love of self that has always defined her. IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN THERE.
I am so lucky to be her partner in this journey. And, honestly, I love our new normal. Sure, I wish some things were different, but Corrina's back in so many ways, some even better than before. And, with that, we have resumed building the awesome foundation which brought our souls together in the first place. We've planned a summer 2020 wedding and are ready to celebrate life!
Corrina's journey (and all of ours who share it) is a reminder that nothing, not even cancer, can stop the infinite source of love and light shining within us all.
We love you, David
