Getting back to normal
This post was originally published on Corrina’s Caringbridge site:
https://www.caringbridge.org/visit/corrina
It's been hard to find a quiet moment to put my thoughts down. Outside of everything in my life changing, my home is now a revolving door. This is the complete opposite of my previous existence - a quiet, calm space where I always knew exactly who would be coming, going and when. Now it is FULL. There is always family and, just more recently, friends. There are physical therapists and occupational therapists and massage therapists and acupuncture and craniosacral therapists. My schedule is packed tight. The house is full of conversation and movement and energy. I do get tired though.
Sometimes it’s too much and I go upstairs to lie down, but I love this new energy in my home.
The support I am receiving is beyond anything I could have imagined (if I were to imagine going through something like this, which, strangely enough, never crossed my mind as a possibility). It’s funny to think about what it takes to get every person I care about most directly in front of me offering all their love without abandon. Why don’t we always live this way? It is an amazing, uplifting feeling to not only be so cared for but to drop any and all pretenses of showing that love. That care and support have everything to do with my strong energy, mood, appetite and positive outlook for the future. I would definitely say that I’m thriving.
And to be completely honest, I'm in the dark about most of this. I've done absolutely no research and barely know the name of my tumor. I'm simply focused on each new day and strengthening my health and wellness - mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually. It’s a luxury I have to allow others to carry this burden for me while I just focus on myself. I don't know their fear, their concerns, their (fill in the blank). And I am so grateful that I have this option. Not everyone does. I will delve deeper as that will be part of my process too, but, for now, my energy is directed inward and upward. And that approach seems to be working.
I want to offer my sincere thanks to all of you who have donated to the GoFundMe campaign. I am floored by the amount contributed to date and can’t find the right words to express my gratitude. Much in the same way that my handlers have allowed me to focus on inspiration instead of the information, these funds create a safety net which will also allow me to keep any anxiety of how to pay for certain treatments at bay.
As to my treatment, Friday wrapped up 3 weeks of radiation which is my halfway point in this first 6-week push. Every weekday, I go to UCONN Health Center for these appointments. Since starting, I went from needing an anti-anxiety medication and tears on the first day to chatting with my techs and coming out more relaxed than I went in. In preparation for radiation, a mask was created for me that molds to the shape of my face and head. This mask clips onto the table to hold me in the exact perfect position for the radiation to target the tumor. As you’ll see from the pic below it’s an impressive machine.
I take chemo daily in pill form and haven’t noticed any adverse side effects (thank goodness). That was a big fear of mine as nausea typically hits me hard from even simple things like missing a meal or reading my phone in the car. Not having nausea has been a major positive because I love to eat and I’m slowly putting weight back on. I lost a good 10+ pounds that I didn't need to lose... fingers crossed it goes back to my butt.
On top of that, I’m taking Avastin. Every other week I go into St. Francis for a 2-3 hr infusion via IV. The first session was longer, clocking in at 4+ hours, with visits from Dr V, Joy, and various nurses who guided us through the process. The Avastin is made to order only upon my arrival and takes about an hour so, as it’s being prepped, I get a bag of fluids to keep boosting my system. David and I spent our day together in a private room while he worked intermittently and I just tried to take it all in. St. Francis has a generous integrative medicine program with therapists dropping in to offer their healing services.
Initially, this was actually a little overwhelming for me because, in the moment, I wanted less people, noise and interaction, but when the woman with the dulcimer came back for the second time I acquiesced for David, just as long as it was only one song. Being a musician, he really wanted to hear her play. And it ended up being really lovely and she stayed for multiple songs. Sadly, I didn’t realize this before sending the massage therapist away…
I had a big week. I went from being ensconced in my home for the past few weeks to getting out almost everyday for something other than a doctors’ appointment -gasp-… A Star is Born with my dad on Wednesday, John Odlum’s essence and sound meditation on Friday evening at Yoga from the Heart, and even teaching on Saturday morning! I was able to make it to the very last day of the 40 Day ReStart which began right when I got sick. It was wonderful to be at the studio, to connect with the group and celebrate their dedication. I taught the restorative portion of the practice and dropping back into the seat of a teacher felt like coming home. And that teaching is going to be an integral part of my journey back to health. That said, I’ll be returning to my Restorative classes this week beginning on Nov 1 with workshops to follow. Thank you to WHY and all who stepped in to support me and my students while I’ve been away.
Very big news…. I did a vinyasa. No steps or hops of course but the foundation was there. I might have some alignment tweaks to offer myself but it felt amazing!
So all that said I am doing well. Very well. And I attribute so much of that to all of you. I feel this massive light around me - safety, support, love, and compassion. I haven't felt fear in all of this. Initially, confusion and questions as to why this is happening, but no fear. Thank you so much for enabling that.
Speaking of fear... we’re getting ready for Halloween around here too. Much love,
Corrina
